Bronzed and beat (really long post)

Las Vegasssss what can I say, the photos are in an album if you are truly bored. I really had a blast this weekend. The last time I was there I was not impressed at all. I nearly missed the flight on Friday because I had no idea about this no lotion or liquids rule so TSA tells me to check my bag but the line is about an hour long and everyone bitches at me and the guy tells me to get someone from TSA to allow this...long story short I dump the sunscreen, toothpaste and some hair crap and shove my lip stuff in my pocket and the expensive hair product in my shirt and I attempt to get through again on the other side. No problem whatsoever. Hmmpf. I'm *THE* last person on the plane.

Get to Vegas finally and get into some shuttle where I have to sit up front with the driver who proceeds to make small talk with me about god knows what, shut it man, im tired and hungry. Get to the Monte Carlo (not bad, low key casino, nice lazy river and wave pool) and check in early. Then headed over to Commander's Palace for the 25 cent martini lunch, do you see where this is headed? It started innocently enough with the lemon drop martini
then my british waiter, Allan, steered me toward the Cajun martini which was spiceeey


then the po boy came and I was very happy with the fried oyster portion, very happy with the sweet potato fries too


next came the straight up martinis and half through the 4th and final martini I realized that I had forgotten to take a pic! Alas here it is


Overall, 4*'s for the lunch. Good deal at $26 with tip for 4 martinis and the food. There was also some new orleans style jazz geeks who I opted not to take a pic with although the overly accomodating host insisted, he was a very nice man. If you are in Vegas def try and get to eat here.

At night I wandered around but was really tired because after the martini lunch I mumbled my way to the pool and layed in the sun a bit with a rum and coke, bad move. Of course, we all know "drunk me" must have arrived because I awoke many hours later in my bed and it was pitch black. I think I must've falled asleep around 2pm and it was 8:30pm!!!! Strange thing was that I felt super. Then I went to pee and saw why I felt fine. There was my lunch staring at me in the bathroom sink. Nearly all the way across this fine country and I manage to hurl in the sink. Classy Lis, real fucking classy. On top of it, the drain is clogged and I can't even fix this. I laughed out loud. So I walked next door to the next casino, NY NY. I had no interest in gambling or drinking anymore so I checked out some irishmans bar and a kooky asian lady was dancing like a nut the whole time. The band had this really groovy violinist chick unfortunately it was all of that irish (garbage) music, weirder was that the asain lady knew a lot of the words. Those tatts on her legs are painted on,
I didn't feel like asking anyone to take a pic cus then I would have to talk to them and although I was in a great mood I didn't want to ruin it by talking to dumbass drunkards so I shot one in the bathroom and managed to get the lovely toilet cleaner too!

After the bar I remembered that I wanted to go to House of Blues, by now I am drunk again and head out into the street I start walking and a few min later I realize that I don't remember which casino that bar is in but think if I am headed in this direction my subconscious must know and that is why I am walking "Ah, yes self it is in the Mirage". 1.5 miles later I arrive and ask where is the bar..."at Mandalay Bay" complete opposite direction, fuck me, wrong M!!! Cross the street and head back a mile or so then have strong desire for nachos. I go into this "latin" place and I am the only white chick in there, fine by me, the nachos are nasty with a capital N.
I would have been happier with pizza. So another few hundred miles later I arrive back at my hotel and I get the pizza, its around 3:30am but to my body its 3 hours later so I figure the pizza is like an early breakfast. Its sbarro and also nasty, serves me right. At the next table is some dork who keeps looking over his shoulder at me, why? I have no idea maybe because I am eating pizza with a fork and knife heh heh. Waiting waiting waiting for the elevator, door almost shuts and its the dork, ugh now I have to make small talk cus its 25 floors up. He is harmless but surprised that I am in Vegas by myself and I get the feeling that he is also but don't ask.

Next AM, I wake up super early cus Im all f'd up on time and I think the pool opens at 9am so I putz around the room and go to the pool at 9:30am and its freaking packed cus of course it opens at 8am, where do I find a chair? all the way in the back. who is at the next chair, the elevator dork. After I get off the phone with Huggies he makes small talk but I don't act like I remember him, kind of weird tho that in this huge hotel he is right next to me, not *that* odd though.

After a while, I am bored and think of going somewhere interesting for food, wind up at Paris and eat really bad omelet at their poolside place
I should have known it would not be good but since there are security guards at their pool I knew I could weasel my way in through food, although I hadn't come up with a plan to get a towel without a room key. Alas, I went to pee after the food and there was a towel someone left folded up outside the door. snagged it. I layed here for the next few hours
while Long Islanders were listening to wind and rain, heh heh. When the DJ started playing music at noon I rationalized that it was ok to have a drink. $16 later and I was enjoying this
and gazing up at the Eiffel Tower
Was a very lovely afternoon. After the pool I was warm and sunned and hungry, of course, and thought I could walk all the way to Mandalay Bay to go to Burger Bar which some foodie told me had a very good burger. I got to Excalibur and had to take the tram which induced much anxiety, since it was packed it was more of a roller coaster feel to me rather than a tram. I survived though and walking through the casino I see someone I recognize, of course duh!!! UNfortunately, it is EC, a probationer I violated (about 2 yrs ago) and if I rememeber correctly he wound up doing 6 months in jail due to his little cocaine habit. I kind of look away and figure he won't recognize me and he doesn't. It was fucking weird though.
Back to the food, the burger was great along with more fries of course.

After the burger and beer, had to drink more right? , I took a nap and woke up later than I wanted to. Managed to push myself to go out cus I mean it's Vegas but had very little energy and couldn't fathom another long night so I decided to walk until fortune steered me to my destination. Excalibur. No gambling and I'm not even sure there are bars in that place, it was not what I remembered. So I decided to go back and just go to sleep but some dorks talked me into going to NY NY again and went into some bar when they weren't looking where there was some singing and piano playing going on. I guess this dueling piano thing is popular in Vegas. So 2 duos switch on and off throughout the night. I get a drink. Some old guy is chatting me up oh he is pretty fat too. I don't mean to say heavy, I mean fat, like he is heavy and grody. Okay the next duo takes the "stage" and they each take a side of the room and try to get the crowd "pumped up". The one guido guy (in the background)

is working my side and I am not impressed. The guido says "my side is pretty loud and etc". The long haired guy says "I see that but what I like is look on this girl's face in the white shirt, she is not interested or amused by you AT ALL!".
Okay I'm the girl in the white shirt "it's just my face!", and now everyone is looking at me and it's pretty quiet. I am actually embarrassed for a second so I turn around toward the bar. The night gets better and they are actually a lot of fun along with the 2 other dueling piano guys. They have this gimmick where you request a song along with money, if you don't like the song you can pay them to stop it. One guy paid $80 to hear the theme song from Cheers, and another guy paid $100 to stop it! Fucking crazy people in Vegas. The singer, John Riedel, has this elton john thing going on
and he's actually pretty good. On the other hand, the guido partner did this beat box thing which was horrible and he should be embarrassed for even attempting it. Guess what, the kooky dancing asian lady is here too!
So after all this drunk singing, oh by then I'm about 8 rum and cokes in but luckily I did allow some to be bought for me cus I was running out of cash, I decide that I want to eat. I head back and I think I ate McD's fries and coke. Ugh. BUT I wake up sunday feeling fine, hmmm. Weird, maybe all the walking and sweating negates the bad food.
Sunday morning I waddled my fat ass to the pool then in the afternoon I got a cab to Hard Rock to eat at Simon (cmon you knew I had to go and I really wanted to eat this tuna app they have) but time was running out so I changed my mind, ticked off the driver half way and had him go to the airport where I had bad bad chicken taco salad. The plane was packed and i had to sit next to some trashy lady and her icky husband. They made me sit next to the window. I nearly had a full on panic attack but didn't. I couldn't sleep and I forgot my free drink coupons so no booze for me. I managed to annoy the couple by drinking a lot of water and getting up 3 times to pee heh heh biatch.
The flight was calm
and we got in about 45 minutes early, thanks tailwinds and mr. southwest pilot. Aside from some bad food, I had a mint time. I would totally travel alone again, it was fun and funny.